I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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