Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize