My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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