dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
