He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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