How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
