If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
