the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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