This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
