Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
