people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
