.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
