Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
