CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
