Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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