I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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