You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
