how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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