Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
