How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize