My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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