Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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