u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
then he tried to convert me to islam
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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