Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
