Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
did i just pee glitter
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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