I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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