my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This is classic penis vs brain.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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