Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
