I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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