I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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