and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Congratulations! We have a period
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize