My nipple is on Facebook.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
