it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
