I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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