These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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