Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
