i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
