I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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