Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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