i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
