Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
