we're blogging at a bar
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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