I'm laying in your front yard are you home
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
my poor anus
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
