I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
