sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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