I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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