Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
