I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
