he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Your cock deserves a montage
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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