you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
