I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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