covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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