Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
