i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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