I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
