just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my poor anus
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
