margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize