And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize