she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
