please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
