Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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