youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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