when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
