I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You may now shotgun with the bride
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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