I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
