remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
