Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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